Weddingguide


	A SECOND WEDDING
	by Papilio

	Congratulations on your engagement! You have found love again; all the
	pain and grief of a first marriage is behind you and you can start looking
	forward to the many wonderful things that a second marriage can offer. May
	you be even more excited this time around than you were the first time –
	well, you should be! Many second-time brides can attest to this.

	Looking back on your first wedding
	When you look back on your first wedding, you will remember the anxiety you
	experienced as a bride because everything was new and because you were
	much younger and more inexperienced. Your parents probably paid for
	everything; and like many parents (sometimes subconsciously) they perhaps
	wanted too force too many of their own ideas onto you; and, because you
	were not paying yourself, you gave in. Perhaps you still regret it to this day!

	The reality of a second marriage
	You’re older, you’ve already been married, and you have probably already
	attended quite a few weddings of people of your age group, so you know
	what to avoid. Furthermore, you’re quite probably financially independent
	and you have a lot more life experience. You are definitely better equipped
	to deal with service providers and you are stronger emotionally, so you can
	handle and resolve crises and family issues. This time your parents are your
	guests and they are not in a position to tell you what to do.
	You can look forward to embarking on your new marriage with a joy and
	peace that comes from deep within your heart.

	Planning
	Years ago, people believed that a second wedding should be a small and
	quiet occasion. Today, a second wedding can be just as big and expensive
	as a first wedding. Even if it is a second wedding for both of you, it is your
	first wedding as a couple. Sometimes one of you has never been married
	before and it is really that person’s first wedding. The dreams and joy that he
	or she has always cherished must not be ignored.

	Just as for a first wedding, you have to decide how much money you want to
	spend on the occasion and who will pay for what. (You can read the article
	on budgeting in this bridal guide to get an idea of what everything costs).
	Your parents do not pay for a second wedding, but if they want to contribute,
	you should regard their contribution as a wedding present. However, you are
	under no obligation to comply with any of their wishes. This does not imply
	that you should not respect them as parents. But you make all the decisions
	and can add as much detail to the wedding as you like: as long as it fits into
	your budget – reach for the stars!

	Compiling a guest list is also much less stressful, since you can invite anyone
	you please and as many guests as you can afford. More close friends are
	invited, and this time you are not, like at a first wedding, obliged to invite
	your parents’ friends, colleagues, or extended family.





	Children from a previous marriage?
	Older children might react negatively when they are told that you are going
	to marry again. Don’t let this upset you. Allow them to ask questions, try your
	best to explain the logistics of your new marriage and give them time to
	process the details and communicate their worries and fears. Always be
	accommodating and try to ease their fears; avoid threatening them.

	It’s a good idea to involve them in the wedding. Smaller children can be
	asked to help with simple tasks such as handing out order of service leaflets
	or confetti. It can also be very nice if all the children form part of the retinue
	and so become part of the ceremony. You can ask the person who will
	officiate at the wedding to address a special word to the little ones during
	the ceremony and perhaps ask them to make a promise, for example, that
	they will always respect their new mom or dad. It will make them feel very
	special if you allow them to take part in the lighting of the wedding candle
	during the ceremony. Each child receives a candle with his or her initials on
	it with which the child joins the couple in lighting the wedding candle.
	Thereafter all the children join hands with you and a blessing is pronounced
	over all of you.

	Older children can be asked to help with the arrangements. They can help
	with the wedding favours, invitations and serviette decorations and they can
	even help set up the reception. They can set place names, make serviette
	decorations, and so on. They can also welcome guests at the church and
	show family members to their designated seats.

	Choosing a wedding dress
	The wedding dress for a second wedding can be just as beautiful and
	expensive as the dress for a first wedding. Perhaps you had to be satisfied
	with a rented dress that was not completely your dream dress at your first
	wedding because your parents could not afford to have a dress made. At a
	second wedding, you have the opportunity to wear your dream dress, since
	you are paying for it yourself. Although most brides marrying for the second
	time prefer a simple, coloured dress, nothing stops you from wearing a white
	or cream dress, with or without a train. The only thing that is not really
	appropriate is a veil.

	A good idea to look your best, especially if your figure is not as youthful as it
	was at your first wedding, is to consult a personal stylist. This person will give
	you advice on what kind of dress, make-up and hairstyle would suit you best.
	She will give you advice on the best colour for your wedding dress and she
	will also help you choose dresses for your daughters if they form part of your
	retinue.

	Enjoy your wedding day. Remember, the most important part of a second
	wedding is not what you are allowed to do, but what you are going to do.
	Constantly bear in mind that this is an opportunity to relax and enjoy. Your
	wedding day will only be unforgettable for you and your guests if you plan it
	with an open mind and an open heart.